The Problem
I believe that the first step is to identity and recognise that one is in a relationship with a pathological narcissist. Therefore knowledge, awareness, education and support is paramount.
How is it possible to take action when there is no idea as to what the real problem is?
There are two factors that make this very difficult to do.
The first factor is that the vast majority of clinicians are not trained in this very young and specialised field.The effects of pathological narcissism and narcissistic abuse have only just begun to be recognised. Twenty years ago, there was little to no information to be found on this subject on the internet. The result is that there are often misdiagnoses which will often further confuse and traumatise the victim. It is because of this that educated victims of narcissistic abuse will often know more about this than clinicians.
The second factor is that being in a relationship with a person with narcissistic personality disorder is extremely confusing. The pervasive and pernicious stealth like processes by the pathological narcissist of lying, projection, love bombing, mirroring, minimising, blame shifting, reality altering, rage, control and fear are designed to keep the victim off balance. This is called gaslighting and it is very effective.
The victim becomes weakened, confused, loses self esteem, feels crazy and, ultimately, becomes a shadow of their former selves.
Once this occurs it becomes so much easier for the narcissist to have complete control of the victim.
This is called narcissistic abuse or narcissistic victim syndrome.
It is due to these two above factors, that I believe that it makes it very difficult to extricate oneself from a narcissistically abusive relationship.
This is where I can help you.
It was through my own experience of being involved with a pathological narcissist that became the drive to enlighten and educate myself.
I read dozens of books on the subject, I spent hundreds of hours on forums of narcissistic abuse survivors, I have consulted with and interviewed two world renowned psychopathic narcissists, I have consulted with one of the most prominent clinical psychotherapists in this field and I continue to be in long term psychotherapy.
In all of this exploration of pathological narcissism, and in the writing of my book about my own story, I stepped deeply into the highly fragmented, deluded and dangerous minds of these people. I understand them. I know how they function and how they think. And its very, very different to how ordinary people think and experience their lives.
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The Bridge
As I see it, the first step is the identification of being involved with a pathological narcissist.
And its not easy. It involves a lot of support, education, awareness and the breaking down of the denial and the horror around it. I believe too that most victims are addicted to the narcissist. Just as the narcissist is addicted to narcissistic supply.
I see myself as a bridge for you in this process. Think of it like this.
Think of a tall and magnificent canyon that you are staring at and that you want to reach. You see a long and winding bridge that stretches out before you. The bridge is a way to reach it.
The beginning of your journey is the intense yearning, a deep calling and desire to get away from something that is harming you terribly and often, irreparably. That bridge is the intermediary process of getting to the other side and the other side represents your freedom and your liberty.
That elevated and magnanimous canyon is where you can be. Free. Free at last.
I see myself as that bridge for you.
I crossed my own bridge a while ago – terrified, full of trauma, confusion, anger, disbelief, shock and horror.
I came to see that the person that I loved was not only a fake and masked being who was full of hatred and rage, but that was also out to harm me deeply. This is narcissistic abuse.
My own trembling hands were held in that crossing by a very compassionate being and I don’t know if I would have made it to the other side if it had not been for the support that I was given so generously.
I understand the psychodynamic processes of both the narcissist and the victim and I understand why the deep wounds of both resonate so deeply and are therefore such a ‘perfect fit’.
I offer fifty minute support sessions at a cost of R550.00 per session which is done through either Zoom or Skype.
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I am not qualified to make any form of professional diagnosis and my work here is to help you self identify and to dramatically raise your awareness.
Through the right knowledge, you will have the power to leave a destructive relationship, should you choose to do so.
I know how terribly hard it is to leave and I would like to help you achieve your ultimate freedom and liberty. From yourself.
Long Term Healing
I believe that deep clinical psychotherapy is necessary in the long term in order to understand the deep vulnerability in being attracted to pathologically narcissistic relationships. This enables the survivor to heal and it hugely reduces the chances of repeating the same pattern. Preventing the repetition compulsion.
I am not a clinical psychotherapist and, once, and if you have disengaged from the relationship, I would strongly recommend that you find a psychotherapist to begin this long process of unravelling and healing.
All of these steps, are the ones that I have followed and continue to follow.
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